No Contact for His Glory

When is going “no-contact” the right decision?

There’s a social media trend called going “no contact,” which focuses on a person’s mental health and personal boundaries. As with many subjects on social media, it is sometimes a controversial topic of discussion. At its core, going “no contact” involves intentionally severing communication with someone whose behavior is deemed toxic, abusive, or emotionally harmful. It’s a bold and often difficult decision, but for many, it is necessary to protect their peace and reclaim their emotional well-being.

From cutting ties with manipulative friends to distancing from estranged family members, the reasons for going no contact are as varied as the individuals making the choice. Advocates of this approach praise it as an act of self-care and empowerment, while critics caution against its potential to be overused or misapplied in less severe circumstances. So, how do you know if “no contact” is right for your situation?

Let’s answer that question immediately—there’s no magic bullet for knowing when going “no contact” is the right decision (except for abuse). Most situations where intentional abuse isn’t a factor are complex. Even in similar scenarios, each person’s motives and intentions change the dynamic so much that outcomes can differ. Situationally, you can have the same scenario, but if a single person’s purpose differs, the decision to go “no contact” can and should change.

Though there isn’t a magic bullet, there is a way to evaluate our motives outside the immediate decision to go “no contact.” Ask yourself, “Am I endeavoring to transform into what God desires me to be?”

Romans 12:2 says:

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

The concept of “transformation” and the modern trend of going “no contact” both involve change and boundaries, but they differ significantly in their intent, execution, and alignment with biblical principles.

Here’s a comparison of both:

Transformation is a process that intends to move you forward with the mindset of “from this moment on…”

While “No contact” often focuses a person on where they have been, “I am escaping from…”

There is a time for escape, but dwelling there can lead you away from God and His purpose. While Scripture supports the idea of setting healthy boundaries, it emphasizes forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration of relationships wherever possible.

Below are key biblical principles to consider before going “no contact”:

1. Boundaries are Biblical – Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
   
   Scripture acknowledges the need for boundaries to protect one’s heart and spiritual health. This could justify “no contact” in extreme cases where a relationship endangers one’s well-being or faith.
   
2. Dealing with Toxicity – Matthew 18:15-17: Jesus outlines a process for addressing sin and conflict within relationships:
   
   • Approach the individual privately.
   • If unresolved, involve others.
   • If the issue is still unresolved, treat them “as you would a pagan or a tax collector,” which may involve distancing while still showing love and grace (e.g., Jesus’ compassionate interactions with tax collectors).
     
     “No contact” may be an appropriate last resort when reconciliation efforts fail.
     
3. Forgiveness is Commanded – Ephesians 4:31-32: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
   
   Going “no contact” without addressing bitterness or offering forgiveness may contradict this command.
   
4. Love Your Enemies – Matthew 5:44: “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
   
   Cutting ties permanently without offering prayer, love, or opportunities for repentance could be inconsistent with Jesus’ teaching.
   
5. Reconciliation is a Priority – Matthew 5:23-24: “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
   
   Jesus emphasizes the importance of resolving conflicts before worship, prioritizing relational harmony.

When going “no contact” is absolute

There are times when the Bible is emphatic about going “no contact”

Protection from Abuse: Physical, emotional, or spiritual abuse may necessitate separation for safety (Psalm 82:4; 1 Corinthians 5:11).

Psalm 82.4 – Rescue the weak and needy; Rescue them from the hand of the wicked.

1 Corinthians 5:11 – but as it is, I wrote unto you not to keep company, if any man that is named a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one no, not to eat.

In situations of intentional abuse, where someone exploits our weakness for their gain, we must find a way to escape. Going “no contact” with an abuser should be a quick, decisive decision. Find help if you’re unable to escape on your own.

Unrepentant Sin: When someone is persistently harmful and unrepentant, it may be necessary to distance yourself.

Titus 3: 10-11 – After a first and second warning reject a divisive man [who promotes heresy and causes dissension—ban him from your fellowship and have nothing more to do with him], ¹¹ well aware that such a person is twisted and is sinning; he is convicted and self-condemned [and is gratified by causing confusion among believers].

I think many in today’s religious circles, those that espouse tolerance and acceptance would be surprised that the Bible is so emphatic about rejecting someone because of their actions. Although our identity isn’t what we’ve done in the past, people are known by their deeds (Proverbs 20:11). We should go “no contact” with someone who repeatedly creates division or who has decided to live in a sinful state without repentance.

Preserving Faith: If a relationship consistently leads you into sin or away from God, separation may be justified (2 Corinthians 6:14-17).

In 2 Corinthians 6, Paul instructs the church not to be unequally bound together with someone who doesn’t believe. Yet, we see Jesus often spending time with unbelievers. The Bible isn’t in conflict here; there’s a difference between spending time with someone who says they are a believer, but whose actions indicate otherwise vs. spending time reaching the lost. We are to go into the world and seek unbelievers, but we shouldn’t join our lives to those that have decided not to walk toward having a relationship with God.

When going “no contact” is wrong

There are times when going “no contact” is absolute and times when it’s absolutely wrong. Social media self-help trends can become dangerous when weaponized or misused. When someone goes “no contact” because of unforgiveness, bitterness, or pride, then it’s no longer about escaping and becomes about retribution or revenge. If reconciliation has not been attempted in good faith, or if someone sabotages or hopes restoration fails, it’s no longer about escaping. If a person is prioritizing their own personal comfort over biblical principles of love and forgiveness (Romans 12:18) then going “no contact” is for the wrong reasons.

Be cautious that by going “no contact,” you don’t hinder opportunities for reconciliation and growth or use it to avoid healthy/needed conflict. Be careful not to create a culture of “relational disposability” where cutting people off becomes an overused solution to minor disputes.

When trying to evaluate your motives, it would help to pray Psalm 139: 23-24.

Psalm 139: 23-24 – Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

When evaluating your motives for going “no contact,” the decision should lead you to a place of transformation and forward thinking. From “I’m escaping…” to “From this moment forward…”

From this moment forward

Going “No contact” should be a temporary escape step into a permanent transformation mindset of “from this moment forward.” Biblically, people should set boundaries that remove ungodly influences while leaving the opportunity for forgiveness and restoration.

Transform your thinking into

• From this moment forward, I will protect my peace by setting healthy boundaries, not walls.
• From this moment forward, I will choose forgiveness, even if reconciliation takes time.
• From this moment forward, I will prioritize relationships that nurture my growth, not drain my soul.
• From this moment forward, I will release bitterness and replace it with love, even for those who’ve hurt me.
• From this moment forward, I will communicate my needs with clarity and grace instead of shutting down.
• From this moment forward, I will let go of toxic patterns and embrace the freedom to grow.
• From this moment forward, I will honor my worth by surrounding myself with people who respect it.
• From this moment forward, I will strive to understand others, even when I choose to walk a separate path.
• From this moment forward, I will seek healing through prayer and self-reflection, not avoidance.
• From this moment forward, I will live intentionally, ensuring my decisions align with who God is calling me to become.

And From this moment forward, I will live my life, for His Glory

References:

Below are referenced verses that are not also included in the post.

Proverbs 20:11 – Even a child is known by his deeds, whether what he does is pure and right.

2 Corinthians 6:14-17 – Do not be unequally bound together with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ¹⁵ What harmony can there be between Christ and Belial (Satan)? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? ¹⁶ What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said:“I will dwell among them and walk among them;
And I will be their God, and they shall be My people.
¹⁷ “So come out from among unbelievers and be separate,” says the Lord,
“And do not touch what is unclean;
And I will graciously receive you and welcome you [with favor]

Romans 12:18 – If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.